They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
