i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
