im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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