So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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