Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
