Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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