I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
