It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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