Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
