Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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