Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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