We named our party play list daddy issues
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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