Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How's work?
Spinning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
