bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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