I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
