she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
