I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
