There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have fence marks all over my body
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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