I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
