woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
