In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
