youre lurking in front of me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
