Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
