I'm gonna have a badass scar
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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