he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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