dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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