Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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