We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
