hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
