Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
