I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
