Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
