32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
