and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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