I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
