I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just cropdusted the office
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
