Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(562): View more from California

biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009

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(919): View more from North Carolina

anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

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(716): View more from New York

you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.

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