peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
