sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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