it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
