bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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