if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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