You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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