Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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