last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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