i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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