what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
