Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You ruined the universe
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
