1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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