I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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