the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
