would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
