I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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