he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
