Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
