I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
