Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
