god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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