I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
