I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
