I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
