brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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