A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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