yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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