Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize
