Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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