I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize