i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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