1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
