he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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