So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
