i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
