I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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