Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
